Waiting to Go Go
A TRAGICOMEDY IN ONE ACT
(with many apologies to Samuel Beckett)
(starring Jules as ESTROGEN)
(and Alex as VOLDEMORT)
(A grungy hostel room; three sets of bunk beds)
(ESTROGEN lying in the bottom bunk, staring sadly at her ankle)
(Rustling from above. VOLDEMORT pokes his head over the edge of
the top bunk)
(roaring) I am he who must not be named! All must bow down to
the Dark Lord!
About time you woke up. My stomach’s Rowling. And you’ve
gone completely Potter. Since when are you so awake in
(croaking morning voice) Good point. (blinks sleepily and
rubs eyes). How was your night?
Alas, no better than the first. Or the second. Something
really needs to be done about those snoring Euros.
(frightened) What did we do?
(suddenly with a French accent) Vee are zee Euros, no?
Monsieur Beckett, he placed us in zee country of
Francais. Your mozzer vas a snowblower, and your fazzer,
he stank of elderberries!
Perhaps so, but we sprung fom the forehead of a demented
chino-americano, from New Jersey no less. I fear he has
spent too many days in the mind-numbing tourist trap
that is Calafate. Gone a bit soft in the head, he has.
Pah! (spits off the top bunk. ESTROGEN ducks for cover.)
Let’s get out of here then.
Great idea. We’ve been waiting to go go for too long now.
(neither moves. ESTROGEN looks down at her ankle again)
(VOLDEMORT glances down and sighs)
Perhaps a side trip to the Perito Moreno Glacier then?
(vigorously tries to wag tail, realizes she has none,
settles for scratching behind the ears instead) Rat would
re reat, Reorge! Re need to ret out rof ris rostel!
(Rosie the robot maid enters the room, spews a stream of
unintelligible spanish. Smoke pours out of her ears and much
beeping (in spanish) is heard. exuent Rosie, chased by a bear.)
(VOLDEMORT looks at ESTROGEN. ESTROGEN looks back. Neither moves)
(sighs) Let’s go. We’ve been waiting to go go.
(sighs) We can’t. We’re waiting to go go.
So true. What day is it today anyway?
February 2nd. Why do you ask?
No reason. It just feels like the same day repeating over
(both collapse back into bed)
(talking to the ceiling) I can’t wait to go go.
Let’s go go.
(fade to black)